Preciousss Binksesss
Story notes: Set before 'The Hobbit'. A response to the 'Least Expected' challenges of Jar Jar Binks/any LoTR character, and Gollum/anyone, so this is going to be icky.
Jar Jar was lost, alone and frightened. He'd got into some caves somehow, and it was terribly, terribly dark. He splashed into some water and sprang up in alarm, then realised that it was only an underground lake. He clutched his chest as he gasped with relief. A slight movement in the dark caught his eye - a fish! He whipped out his tongue to catch it. Then he saw the glow, out in the lake and transferred the fish to his hand.
"Allooo?"
The glow seemed to be coming towards him fast, and he tried to step back, but tripped and fell backwards. As the creature came ashore, the eerie glow cast by its eyes was enough for Jar Jar to see his surroundings by, but all that did was show him that he was in fact in a cave with a lake.
"Bless us and splash us, my preciousssss! I guess it's a choice feast; more than a tasty morsel it'd make us, gollum. What isss he, my precious?"
"Mesa Gungan. Mesa Jar Jar Binks."
"Binks, Binks precioussss!"
"Yessir, mesa Jar Jar Binks. Whosir is yousir?"
"Preciousss, precioussss. What's he got in his handses?"
Jar Jar held out the fish as if for inspection. "Issa Fish. Mesa gonna share fish with you, yes?"
Gollum licked his lips. This was an interesting creature, and it was giving him fish. "Yess, yess nice fish." Gollum tore the fish in half, then gave one half back to Jar Jar. "Nice fish, gollum."
Gollum, in his hurry to eat the fish, dropped a morsel, which was caught by Jar Jar with his tongue as it fell.
"Binks isss clever, clever with toungses."
"Alla Gungans gotta tongue like me. Look." He stuck his tongue out to its full extent. Gollum was delighted and fascinated at the strange creature.
"Yess, yesss preciousss, we likes clever Binkses, will be our friend, yess, yess, no more being alone."
Jar Jar was a little uncertain of the creature, but it seemed friendly enough, and it was better than being alone in the horrible dark caves.
"Mesa catch fishies for you, yes?"
"Yess, yess precious, fishies good, gollum, goblins better for a change."
Jar Jar had no idea what a goblin was, so he ignored the statement. Probably a different kind of fish.
Gollum looked at Jar Jar and asked him, slightly pleadingly. "Binkssess catch fishiessss now, preciousssss?"
Jar Jar nodded and crouched at the waterline, using the glow of Gollum's eyes to detect the movement of the fish in the water. Gollum watched him, his tongue darting back and forth, with growing excitement. He had been alone for so long he had forgotten that his excitement was sexual, all he knew was that he was thinking of Deagol at the same time as a warm feeling was growing stronger in his stomach. He had begun to hop from foot to foot when Jar Jar turned round.
"Yousa scarin de fishies."
"No more fishing, no more. Take you home, gollum. Time to sleep soon"
Gollum pulled Jar Jar to his boat and put him in, bringing the large catch of blind fish with them. The boat was dangerously overloaded, but Gollum was skilled enough to get them to the slimy island of rock in the middle of the lake that he called home.
He watched Jar Jar eat in rapt fascination. This time he let the morsel of fish drop deliberately, and moved so that when Jar Jar stuck his tongue out to retrieve it, it also lapped Gollum's flesh. He gurgled deep in his throat. Jar Jar looked worried.
"Pleasssse Binkses more, gollum, gollum."
Jar Jar was confused by the creature, but obediently stuck his tongue out and ran it over Gollum's belly. He tasted… interesting, like fish but not like fish. Gollum was gurgling with pleasure, so Jar Jar carried on, wrapping his tongue around the small body. When he licked the lumps on the creature's chest he cried out.
"Preciousssssssssss!"
Jar Jar ran his tongue over them again and they stuck out a little. This was an interesting game. Gollum had another sticking out part, between his legs, that Jar Jar had not noticed before and so he licked down there as well. This made Gollum arch upwards and moan.
"Gollum, gollum, gollum..."
This part was different, warm and slimy while the rest of Gollum was cold and slimy. Every different way that Jar Jar moved his tongue over it made Gollum moan some more, and arch and twist to get closer to him, until he yelled.
"Gollum!"
Then it was not nice, far too salty to lick any more, and Jar Jar withdrew his tongue. Gollum was mumbling something.
"Nice Binkses, good Binkses, yessss preciousss, we like Binkses, clever tongueses Binkses…"
Jar Jar looked happy.
"Mesa thinks its time to sleep now."
Gollum just nodded, and Jar Jar was left to bed down as best he could on the slimy rock.
Later in the night, Gollum cradled the Ring and talked to it.
"We HAD to kill him precioussss, he would have stolen you precioussss, he was a nice Binkses, but he would have become nassssty, yess nasty. But now he's a tasssssty Binkses preciousss, lots of food…"
Author note: I can't believe I wrote this, so if challenged I'm blaming it on my evil twin. I hope this has exorcised whatever dark corners of my mind it emerged from...