Zip Your Fly, You Fool
A simple and immature game; take a line from 'Lord of the Rings', either the book or the movie and change one of the words for pants. We do not claim ownership of this, Lady Alyssa collected them from various sources on the net because she's weird like that.
Note to Americans: This list is a lot funnier if you know that in Britain pants are underwear, not trousers.
You are a pants-wearer Frodo. To be a Pants-wearer is to be alone.
-Galadriel
Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants.
-Boromir
You shall be the Fellowship of the Pants!
-Elrond
Lost! My pants is lost!
-Gollum
Let's go hunt some pants!
-Aragorn
Do not be too eager to pull down someone's pants in judgement.
-Gandalf
If you want my pants... come and claim them!
-Arwen
Frodo's not going anywhere without his pants
-Sam
He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn... you owe him your pants.
-Legolas
Rivendell? We're going to see the pants!
-Sam
There are many magical pants in the world, and none of them are to be used lightly!
-Gandalf
Old Toby-- the finest pants in South-Farthing!
-Bilbo
We're coming too! And you'll have to tie us up with our own pants to stop us!
-Merry
All we can do is decide what to do with the pants that are given us
-Gandalf
What's this? A Ranger caught with his pants off?
-Arwen
I wish I had never worn any pants. I wish none of this had ever happened.
-Frodo
Legolas: A lament for Gandalf's pants.
M/P: What do they say?
Legolas: I have not the heart to tell you
Give them some pants, for Pity's sake!
-Boromir
It's a dangerous business, Frodo, taking off your pants. You step out of your pants, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.
-Bilbo
There's magic in these pants, right down deep, where you can't lay your hands on it.
-Sam
There is only one Lord of The Rings, and he does not share his pants!
-Gandalf
Pippin: What about pants?
Merry: I don't think he knows about pants.
Do not take me for a wearer of cheap pants!
-Gandalf
Aragorn: You have my sword
Legolas: You have my bow
Gimli: And my pants!
Boromir looks in Frodo's pants: "It is a strange fate that we suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing...such a little thing."
Let them come! There is one dwarf in Moria who still wears pants!
-Gimli
Tell me, old friend, when did Saruman the Wise abandon pants?
-Gandalf
I need a holiday Gandalf. I think I'll take off my pants, and I don't expect I'll ever put them back on again. In fact, I mean not to!
-Bilbo
By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair,
you shall neither my pants nor me.
-Frodo
It comes in pants?
-Pippin
Galadriel: Will you look in my pants Frodo?
Frodo: What will I see?
Galadriel: Even the wisest cannot tell.
A shadow and a threat has been growing in my pants.
-Legolas
Here I must bid you lay aside your pants before you enter.
-Hama (Doorward of Rohan)
These are indeed strange days. Dreams and legends spring pantless out of the grass.
-Eomer
Sam to Frodo: No No No No - Frodo!
Frodo: No Sam. I'm putting on my pants alone.
Sam: Of course you are. And I'm helping you!
I made a promise. Don't you lose your pants Samwise Gamgee. And I don't mean to. I don't mean to.
-Sam
They will find the pants and kill the one who wears them.
-Gandalf
And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my pants.
My old pants... I should like to wear them again...
-Bilbo
You've been officially labelled a disturber of the pants.
-Frodo
I don't know what he's so upset about... it's just a pair of pants
-Merry
What has it got in its pantses?
- Gollum
Do not meddle in the pants of Wizards, for they are cotton and prone to shrinking.
- Gildor Inglorion
They say all who look upon her lose their pants.
- Gimli
The quest stands on the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and your pants shall fall, to the ruin and of us all.
-Galadriel
He had this one chance to destroy evil, but the pants of Men are strange.
- Galadriel's Prologue
I was there the day the pants of Men failed.
- Elrond
This evil cannot be concealed by the pants of the Elves.
- Elrond
Will you look into the pants of Galadriel?
-Galadriel
Pants crept back into the forest of the world. Rumours grew of a shadow in the pants. Whispers of a nameless fear.
- Galadriel's Prologue
Aragorn: I swore to protect you.
Frodo: But can you protect me from your pants?
Your love of the halfling's pants has clouded your mind
-Saruman
Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Frodo. Other pants you could wear.
-Boromir
My cousin Balin will give us a pantless welcome!
-Gimli
The pants of the Enemy are a gift. Let us wear them against him.
- Boromir
Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: I thought I had strayed into your pants.
Thus spake Ioreth, wise-woman of Gondor: The pants of a king are the pants of a healer, and so shall the rightful king be known.
Sam: Do you remember our pants, Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: No, I am afraid not, Sam. At least, I know that we had pants, but I cannot see them?I am naked in the dark, Sam, and there are no pants between me and the wheel of fire.
'Twice now, lord, I have heard of the Paths of the Pants' said Merry. 'What are they?'
'No man knows,' said Theoden,'yet ancient legend has somewhat to report. Folk say that Dead Men out of the Dark Years guard the way and will suffer no living man to come to their Pants. But at whiles they may themselves be seen passing out of the door in finest satin pants of gorgeous design. And yet they are cursed! For their pants ride up and bunch grotesquely. Until the time comes, that is foretold, when their Lord will free their Pants from chaffing!'
Frodo: They're some form of elvish pants-- I cannot wear them."
Gandalf: There are few who can. They are the dark pants of Mordor, which I shall not put on here.
Pippin: Anyway, you need people with pants on this mission...quest...thing?
Merry: That excludes you, Pip.
I know what you saw...for it is also in my pants
-Galadriel
It was in that hour that Isildur, son of the king, put on his father's pants...
-Galadriel
Gandalf: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee, have you been pantsdropping?
Sam: I haven't been dropping no pants!
You've been in Farmer Maggot's pants!
-Sam
You will beg for pants before the end!
-Boromir
I will not let the white pants fall.
-Aragorn
We are a plain, quiet folk and have no use for pants. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can't think what anybody sees in them
-Bilbo
Ah, Gandalf the Grey comes seeking my pants...for that is why you have come, is it not?
-Saruman
Sauron gave three rings to the elves, wisest and fairest and wearers of the best pants of all the races of Middle earth. Seven rings he gave to the dwarf-lords, great miners and wearers of slightly dishevelled pants. Nine rings he gave to the kings of men who above all else desire power, and to go pantsless.
-Galadriel's prologue
I you're referring to that business with the pants, I was barely involved.
-Gandalf
Maybe, I have been saved by this hobbit from a grave blunder. I had considered whether or not to probe these pants myself...
-Gandalf
You will have to do without pants for a while. I am rather shaken.
-Gandalf
Give me a row of pants and room to swing.
-Gimli
Pants! I feel the need of them, as never I thought any dwarf could.
-Gimli
Go, Eowyn sister-daughter! The time for pants is past!
-Theoden
"Pants indeed!" answered an Elf from the boats. "Never travel far without pants! And one that is long and strong and light. Such are these. They may be a help in many needs," "You don't need to tell me that!" said Sam. "I came without any, and I've been worried ever since."
And you, Master Dwarf, pray take your hand from your pants till I am up! you will not need such arguments.
-Gandalf
Knock on the door with your pants Peregrin Took.
-Gandalf
I alone of you have ever been in the pants of the Dark Lord.
-Gandalf
What? Me, take the pants from him? The Council gave them to him.
-Sam
What's pants, precious, eh? What's pants?
-Gollum
There is only one way: to find the Cracks of Doom in the pants of Orodruin, the Fire-mountain, and cast the Ring in there.
-Elrond
I would have travelled lighter and taken no pants at all, least of all these ones that Sam is so fond of.
-Gandalf
In a hole in the pants lived a Hobbit.
-The Hobbit
A thing is about to happen which has not happened since the Elder Days: the Ents are going to wake up and find that they are pantsed.
-Gandalf
Many things can I command the Pants to reveal. And to some I can show what they desire to see. But the Pants will also show some things unbidden, and those are often stranger and more profitable than things which we wish to behold.
-Galadriel
You do not know your danger, Théoden,' interrupted Gandalf. 'These hobbits will sit on the edge of ruin and discuss the pleasures of the pants?.
Get up, you tomfool of a Took! Where, in all this ruin, are my pants?
-Gandalf
I myself am in the Warden's pants.
-Faramir
What do you wish? If it lies in my pants, I will do it.
-Faramir
After the celebration of Bilbo's birthday the four hobbits stayed in Rivendell for some pants, and they sat much with their old friend, who spent most of his time now in his pants, except at meals.
Merry hurried off to give orders. Farmer Cotton cleared the street, sending everyone indoors, except the older hobbits who had pants of some sort.
Wormtongue halted and looked back at him, half prepared to stay. Saruman turned. "No evil?" he cackled. "Oh no! Even when he sneaks out at night it is only to look at pants.
It is the will of Theoden King that none should enter his pants...
-Hama
There was a lot more, all about pants. I didn't learn that part, it gave me the shivers. I never thought I'd be going into them myself.
-Sam
Submitted by Sandy Swanson
Boromir: Why do you recoil? I have on pants.
Frodo: They are not your own!
Sam, we're still in our pants. What could possibly happen?
-Frodo
Stay out of my pants, you young devils!
-Farmer Maggot
You have stout pants, little Hobbit, but that will not save you.
-Strider
Go on, Sam. Ask Rosie for her pants.
-Frodo
He's left you Bag End, along with all his pants.
-Gandalf
Life in the wide world goes on, scarcely aware of the existence of
pants, for which I am very thankful.
-Gandalf
The pants of Saruman are not lightly thrown aside.
-Saruman
He will try to take your pants. You know of whom I speak.
Galadriel
If you do not find your pants, no one will.
Galadriel
Good evening, little masters. If you're seeking undergarments, we've
got some nice, cozy, hobbit-sized pants available.
-Barliman Butterbur
Blinded by their pants, they took the rings without question.
-Strider
This is beyond my skill to clothe. He needs Elvish pants.
-Strider
Pippin: But what about pants?
Aragorn: You've already got pants.
Pippin: We've got one pair of pants, yes. But what about underpants?
Merry: I don't think he knows about underpants, Pip.
Pippin: What about thongs? Jockstraps? Boxers, panty girdles, g-strings, long
johns? He knows about them, doesn't he?
Merry: I wouldn't count on it.
Aragorn: You cannot give me this!
Arwen: It is mine to give to whom I will, like my pants.
I will be dead before I see my pants in the hands of an elf!
-Gimli
Aragorn: You have my pants.
Legolas: And my pants.
Gimli: And MY pants.
Boromir: You carry the pants of us all, little one.
Nobody wedgies a dwarf! Argh! Not the pants!
-Gimli
Legolas, get them off! Come, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, get them off!
Off with your pants, Sam. Frodo. Frodo!
-Strider
It is long since we had any pants.
-Boromir
Merry: My pants have burst. Pippin: You can have some of mine. Want some pants, Sam?
Boromir: This is Isildur's heir?
Legolas: And heir to the Pants of Gondor.
My father is a noble man, but his pants are falling, and our people
lose faith.
-Boromir
If you ask it of me, I will give you my pants.
-Frodo
Even the smallest person can change their pants.
-Galadriel
If you would but lend my your pants!
-Boromir
Give them to me! Give my your pants!
-Boromir
Your pants are full of surprises, Mr. Baggins.
-Gimli
What is this new lingerie?
-Boromir
I want to see pants again. Pants, Gandalf!
-Bilbo
I gave you the chance of sharing my boxers willingly, but you have
elected the Pants of Pain!
-Saruman
Bilbo: My old pants, `Stink.' Here, take them, take them.
Frodo: They're so stiff.
Bilbo: Yes, yes. Starched by the elves, you know.
Soon, Mr. Elf, you will enjoy the fabled pants of the dwarves.
-Gimli
Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than orcs in the
deep places of my pants.
-Gandalf
Let us hope that our pants may go unnoticed.
-Gandalf
If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your pants.
-Gandalf
Do you know how pants first came into being? They were trousers once,
taken to the dry-cleaners, tortured and mutilated, a ruined and terrible
form of clothing.
-Saruman
Welcome, Frodo of the Shire, one who has seen my pants.
-Galadriel
There are other forces at work in my pants, Frodo, besides the will of
evil.
-Gandalf
Get them off, Aragorn. Do as I say! Pants are no more use here!
-Gandalf
And after that, it gets even better! Festering, stinking pants, as far
as the eye can see!
-Gimli