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Zip Your Fly, You Fool

A simple and immature game; take a line from 'Lord of the Rings', either the book or the movie and change one of the words for pants. We do not claim ownership of this, Lady Alyssa collected them from various sources on the net because she's weird like that.

Note to Americans: This list is a lot funnier if you know that in Britain pants are underwear, not trousers.

You are a pants-wearer Frodo. To be a Pants-wearer is to be alone.
-Galadriel

Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants.
-Boromir

You shall be the Fellowship of the Pants!
-Elrond

Lost! My pants is lost!
-Gollum

Let's go hunt some pants!
-Aragorn

Do not be too eager to pull down someone's pants in judgement.
-Gandalf

If you want my pants... come and claim them!
-Arwen

Frodo's not going anywhere without his pants
-Sam

He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn... you owe him your pants.
-Legolas

Rivendell? We're going to see the pants!
-Sam

There are many magical pants in the world, and none of them are to be used lightly!
-Gandalf

Old Toby-- the finest pants in South-Farthing!
-Bilbo

We're coming too! And you'll have to tie us up with our own pants to stop us!
-Merry

All we can do is decide what to do with the pants that are given us
-Gandalf

What's this? A Ranger caught with his pants off?
-Arwen

I wish I had never worn any pants. I wish none of this had ever happened.
-Frodo

Legolas: A lament for Gandalf's pants.
M/P: What do they say?
Legolas: I have not the heart to tell you

Give them some pants, for Pity's sake!
-Boromir

It's a dangerous business, Frodo, taking off your pants. You step out of your pants, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.
-Bilbo

There's magic in these pants, right down deep, where you can't lay your hands on it.
-Sam

There is only one Lord of The Rings, and he does not share his pants!
-Gandalf

Pippin: What about pants?
Merry: I don't think he knows about pants.

Do not take me for a wearer of cheap pants!
-Gandalf

Aragorn: You have my sword
Legolas: You have my bow
Gimli: And my pants!

Boromir looks in Frodo's pants: "It is a strange fate that we suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing...such a little thing."

Let them come! There is one dwarf in Moria who still wears pants!
-Gimli

Tell me, old friend, when did Saruman the Wise abandon pants?
-Gandalf

I need a holiday Gandalf. I think I'll take off my pants, and I don't expect I'll ever put them back on again. In fact, I mean not to!
-Bilbo

By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair, you shall neither my pants nor me.
-Frodo

It comes in pants?
-Pippin

Galadriel: Will you look in my pants Frodo?
Frodo: What will I see?
Galadriel: Even the wisest cannot tell.

A shadow and a threat has been growing in my pants.
-Legolas

Here I must bid you lay aside your pants before you enter.
-Hama (Doorward of Rohan)

These are indeed strange days. Dreams and legends spring pantless out of the grass.
-Eomer

Sam to Frodo: No No No No - Frodo!
Frodo: No Sam. I'm putting on my pants alone.
Sam: Of course you are. And I'm helping you!

I made a promise. Don't you lose your pants Samwise Gamgee. And I don't mean to. I don't mean to.
-Sam

They will find the pants and kill the one who wears them.
-Gandalf

And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my pants.

My old pants... I should like to wear them again...
-Bilbo

You've been officially labelled a disturber of the pants.
-Frodo

I don't know what he's so upset about... it's just a pair of pants
-Merry

What has it got in its pantses?
- Gollum

Do not meddle in the pants of Wizards, for they are cotton and prone to shrinking.
- Gildor Inglorion

They say all who look upon her lose their pants.
- Gimli

The quest stands on the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and your pants shall fall, to the ruin and of us all.
-Galadriel

He had this one chance to destroy evil, but the pants of Men are strange.
- Galadriel's Prologue

I was there the day the pants of Men failed.
- Elrond

This evil cannot be concealed by the pants of the Elves.
- Elrond

Will you look into the pants of Galadriel?
-Galadriel

Pants crept back into the forest of the world. Rumours grew of a shadow in the pants. Whispers of a nameless fear.
- Galadriel's Prologue

Aragorn: I swore to protect you.
Frodo: But can you protect me from your pants?

Your love of the halfling's pants has clouded your mind
-Saruman

Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Frodo. Other pants you could wear.
-Boromir

My cousin Balin will give us a pantless welcome!
-Gimli

The pants of the Enemy are a gift. Let us wear them against him.
- Boromir

Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: I thought I had strayed into your pants.

Thus spake Ioreth, wise-woman of Gondor: The pants of a king are the pants of a healer, and so shall the rightful king be known.

Sam: Do you remember our pants, Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: No, I am afraid not, Sam. At least, I know that we had pants, but I cannot see them?I am naked in the dark, Sam, and there are no pants between me and the wheel of fire.

'Twice now, lord, I have heard of the Paths of the Pants' said Merry. 'What are they?'
'No man knows,' said Theoden,'yet ancient legend has somewhat to report. Folk say that Dead Men out of the Dark Years guard the way and will suffer no living man to come to their Pants. But at whiles they may themselves be seen passing out of the door in finest satin pants of gorgeous design. And yet they are cursed! For their pants ride up and bunch grotesquely. Until the time comes, that is foretold, when their Lord will free their Pants from chaffing!'

Frodo: They're some form of elvish pants-- I cannot wear them."
Gandalf: There are few who can. They are the dark pants of Mordor, which I shall not put on here.

Pippin: Anyway, you need people with pants on this mission...quest...thing?
Merry: That excludes you, Pip.

I know what you saw...for it is also in my pants
-Galadriel

It was in that hour that Isildur, son of the king, put on his father's pants...
-Galadriel

Gandalf: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee, have you been pantsdropping?
Sam: I haven't been dropping no pants!

You've been in Farmer Maggot's pants!
-Sam

You will beg for pants before the end!
-Boromir

I will not let the white pants fall.
-Aragorn

We are a plain, quiet folk and have no use for pants. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can't think what anybody sees in them
-Bilbo

Ah, Gandalf the Grey comes seeking my pants...for that is why you have come, is it not?
-Saruman

Sauron gave three rings to the elves, wisest and fairest and wearers of the best pants of all the races of Middle earth. Seven rings he gave to the dwarf-lords, great miners and wearers of slightly dishevelled pants. Nine rings he gave to the kings of men who above all else desire power, and to go pantsless.
-Galadriel's prologue

I you're referring to that business with the pants, I was barely involved.
-Gandalf

Maybe, I have been saved by this hobbit from a grave blunder. I had considered whether or not to probe these pants myself...
-Gandalf

You will have to do without pants for a while. I am rather shaken.
-Gandalf

Give me a row of pants and room to swing.
-Gimli

Pants! I feel the need of them, as never I thought any dwarf could.
-Gimli

Go, Eowyn sister-daughter! The time for pants is past!
-Theoden

"Pants indeed!" answered an Elf from the boats. "Never travel far without pants! And one that is long and strong and light. Such are these. They may be a help in many needs," "You don't need to tell me that!" said Sam. "I came without any, and I've been worried ever since."

And you, Master Dwarf, pray take your hand from your pants till I am up! you will not need such arguments.
-Gandalf

Knock on the door with your pants Peregrin Took.
-Gandalf

I alone of you have ever been in the pants of the Dark Lord.
-Gandalf

What? Me, take the pants from him? The Council gave them to him.
-Sam

What's pants, precious, eh? What's pants?
-Gollum

There is only one way: to find the Cracks of Doom in the pants of Orodruin, the Fire-mountain, and cast the Ring in there.
-Elrond

I would have travelled lighter and taken no pants at all, least of all these ones that Sam is so fond of.
-Gandalf

In a hole in the pants lived a Hobbit.
-The Hobbit

A thing is about to happen which has not happened since the Elder Days: the Ents are going to wake up and find that they are pantsed.
-Gandalf

Many things can I command the Pants to reveal. And to some I can show what they desire to see. But the Pants will also show some things unbidden, and those are often stranger and more profitable than things which we wish to behold.
-Galadriel

You do not know your danger, Théoden,' interrupted Gandalf. 'These hobbits will sit on the edge of ruin and discuss the pleasures of the pants?.

Get up, you tomfool of a Took! Where, in all this ruin, are my pants?
-Gandalf

I myself am in the Warden's pants.
-Faramir

What do you wish? If it lies in my pants, I will do it.
-Faramir

After the celebration of Bilbo's birthday the four hobbits stayed in Rivendell for some pants, and they sat much with their old friend, who spent most of his time now in his pants, except at meals.

Merry hurried off to give orders. Farmer Cotton cleared the street, sending everyone indoors, except the older hobbits who had pants of some sort.

Wormtongue halted and looked back at him, half prepared to stay. Saruman turned. "No evil?" he cackled. "Oh no! Even when he sneaks out at night it is only to look at pants.

It is the will of Theoden King that none should enter his pants...
-Hama

There was a lot more, all about pants. I didn't learn that part, it gave me the shivers. I never thought I'd be going into them myself.
-Sam

Submitted by Sandy Swanson

Boromir: Why do you recoil? I have on pants.
Frodo: They are not your own!

Sam, we're still in our pants. What could possibly happen?
-Frodo

Stay out of my pants, you young devils!
-Farmer Maggot

You have stout pants, little Hobbit, but that will not save you.
-Strider

Go on, Sam. Ask Rosie for her pants.
-Frodo

He's left you Bag End, along with all his pants.
-Gandalf

Life in the wide world goes on, scarcely aware of the existence of pants, for which I am very thankful.
-Gandalf

The pants of Saruman are not lightly thrown aside.
-Saruman

He will try to take your pants. You know of whom I speak.
Galadriel

If you do not find your pants, no one will.
Galadriel

Good evening, little masters. If you're seeking undergarments, we've got some nice, cozy, hobbit-sized pants available.
-Barliman Butterbur

Blinded by their pants, they took the rings without question.
-Strider

This is beyond my skill to clothe. He needs Elvish pants.
-Strider

Pippin: But what about pants?
Aragorn: You've already got pants.
Pippin: We've got one pair of pants, yes. But what about underpants?
Merry: I don't think he knows about underpants, Pip.
Pippin: What about thongs? Jockstraps? Boxers, panty girdles, g-strings, long johns? He knows about them, doesn't he?
Merry: I wouldn't count on it.

Aragorn: You cannot give me this!
Arwen: It is mine to give to whom I will, like my pants.

I will be dead before I see my pants in the hands of an elf!
-Gimli

Aragorn: You have my pants.
Legolas: And my pants.
Gimli: And MY pants.
Boromir: You carry the pants of us all, little one.

Nobody wedgies a dwarf! Argh! Not the pants!
-Gimli

Legolas, get them off! Come, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, get them off! Off with your pants, Sam. Frodo. Frodo!
-Strider

It is long since we had any pants.
-Boromir

Merry: My pants have burst. Pippin: You can have some of mine. Want some pants, Sam?

Boromir: This is Isildur's heir?
Legolas: And heir to the Pants of Gondor.

My father is a noble man, but his pants are falling, and our people lose faith.
-Boromir

If you ask it of me, I will give you my pants.
-Frodo

Even the smallest person can change their pants.
-Galadriel

If you would but lend my your pants!
-Boromir

Give them to me! Give my your pants!
-Boromir

Your pants are full of surprises, Mr. Baggins.
-Gimli

What is this new lingerie?
-Boromir

I want to see pants again. Pants, Gandalf!
-Bilbo

I gave you the chance of sharing my boxers willingly, but you have elected the Pants of Pain!
-Saruman

Bilbo: My old pants, `Stink.' Here, take them, take them.
Frodo: They're so stiff.
Bilbo: Yes, yes. Starched by the elves, you know.

Soon, Mr. Elf, you will enjoy the fabled pants of the dwarves.
-Gimli

Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of my pants.
-Gandalf

Let us hope that our pants may go unnoticed.
-Gandalf

If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your pants.
-Gandalf

Do you know how pants first came into being? They were trousers once, taken to the dry-cleaners, tortured and mutilated, a ruined and terrible form of clothing.
-Saruman

Welcome, Frodo of the Shire, one who has seen my pants.
-Galadriel

There are other forces at work in my pants, Frodo, besides the will of evil.
-Gandalf

Get them off, Aragorn. Do as I say! Pants are no more use here!
-Gandalf

And after that, it gets even better! Festering, stinking pants, as far as the eye can see!
-Gimli

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